Something I’m pondering…in reference to God’s call in Isaiah 55:
“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. 2 Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
And related to that passage, this quote: “The idea is that they were to take freely from Him what they normally would have had to pay for.” (Lioy, NIV commentary lesson)
The world tells me I have to pay for…everything. Pay ahead and someday, I’ll get what I want. Do I want to rest? Pay up in worry and hard work and carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Do I want love? Pay up in service and slavery and meeting all the expectations everyone throws at me? Do I want acceptance? Pay up in lowering my standards and compromising my beliefs. Do I want peace and refreshment? Pay up. Do I want hope? Pay up. Do I want a life of ease and beauty? It can all be mine if I just.pay.up.
But God doesn’t ask us to pay. He asks us to accept. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Why? Why? Why?
I live my life trying to pay up, putting quarters into the vending machine. Thinking that if I just do enough, live enough, have enough, AM enough, then I’ll pay in enough to get out the beverage of my choice: the perfect family, “good” kids, no health scares, a big house, a flawless marriage, and on and on and on.
I spend so much time trying to earn…everything. And it’s not just that I think I need to pay for it. I want to pay for it. I have totally bought into the system that says it can all be earned. I mean, it can’t be a gift because then…because then…what about me? If I take the free gift, then it has to be about God. All about Him. And in my selfishness and pride, I refuse.
I refuse his gifts. I refuse grace. I refuse to accept his presence and power (above all I can ask or think, according to his power at work in me). I offer him my “all,” but really I’m still just trying to bribe Him, like He’s just another vending machine, to give me what I think I want.
And what do I want? More selfish control. More glory for me. Less discomfort and all of the easy street. And none of Him. No, really, I don’t really want Him. I don’t want grace.
So I have to learn it. I have to learn grace. Learn to accept it. Learn to let go of my pennies and nickels and selfish dimes. Learn to stop looking to vending machines (of people, of success, of perfection, of stuff) and learn…to LISTEN.
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
Father, I’m tired of paying. You are not a vending machine. You are a drinking fountain. Free water. Clean and fresh, mine for the taking. You want me to come to you, and through Jesus, accept freely from you what I would otherwise have to pay for. You want me to let grace flow down, filling me up and pouring out so that I become a drinking fountain of grace for others.
For my kids. My husband. My neighbors. A single mother somewhere in Africa. Every single soul you cross my path with for every tomorrow that you have planned for me.
I am not this conduit of grace. Far from it, Jesus, I am only just learning grace. A baby in this context. But I am learning. I want to learn. To come and take freely from You what I would normally have had to pay for.
Show me how. Fill me up. Let me Come. Let me Listen. So that my soul will rejoice in the richest of fare.
February 17, 2014
Beautiful transparency. Learning grace…good thing I have the best Teacher.