In January, we hear a lot about resolutions and organizing and cutting back and losing weight and starting fresh and on and on and on.
I’ve been thinking more about when it’s enough. When I am enough. When I have enough. Because I never feel like it is, I am, I do.
Maybe you feel the same?
I think part of the reason we feel this way is, like the picture above, we’ve got this entire pile of measuring tapes, and we’re never sure which one to use. Should I use my mother’s measuring tape? Or my husband’s? The one from work or the one I think my friends have when they come into my less-than-tidy house? They all seem important, so maybe it’s best to use them all at once. Then we pile on what our mothers want and the feminists want and the neighbors and the boss and the school secretary. And we try to measure up. And of course, we never do. Or we never feel like we do.
Then we run into another problem. These measuring tapes, they don’t measure the same thing. They all have different criteria. Is it my physical appearance? I can find a thousand workouts on Pinterest to address that one thing I hate most about myself. Or maybe it’s my diet. Am I paleo enough? I know carbs are bad, right? Maybe it’s my parenting. Did I fold my kids clothes or let them pile them in their drawers? Do they have enough, but not too much, screen time? Maybe I’ll be enough if I have the perfect (looking) marriage, the perfect (looking) spiritual life, the perfectly clean minivan (is a minivan okay?) or regular house-cleaning schedule. Maybe my accomplishments will be enough. Whether I work (or don’t). Whether I work at home or outside the home. Whether I can work and manage the house AND keep up with kids’ activities and PTO and church obligations and … and … and …
Most confusing of all, each of those measuring tapes has different end goals. Am I to achieve perfection or moderation? Because they’re quite different. Or am I measuring my output or my value? Because those are different (though I usually equate them). Am I supposed to be independent or submissive? Though those two don’t have to be mutually exclusive. What’s the end goal?
It’s overwhelming, trying to live up to the measuring tapes.
So how? How do we find enough?
The measuring tapes probably aren’t going away. But we can be more careful to listen only to the right one for the question we’re actually asking. What your mother does (or might) think of your housekeeping or financial goals is probably not actually important. Put down her measuring tape. What your husband thinks of how the house is kept is probably more important. You might need to ask him.
Whether or not I am enough is not a question to ask just anyone. It isn’t up to your ex, a social movement, a political party, your MIL or your children’s teacher to determine your worth. That’s a question only God can answer accurately. Don’t ask anyone but him.
And even more, I think we can focus on fewer measuring tapes. There’s a lot of pressure in January to be better, do better, to grow in some areas and lose in others, to get this under control while lightening up on that, to prove and work and renew. But not every one in the world has a right to comment on our lives, no matter how much time we spend on Facebook. Cut the measuring tape pile down. Who really has earned the right to speak into your life? Not very many, if we’re honest. Pick up those few measuring tapes. Throw away all the rest. Don’t just tuck them in a drawer in case you need them later. Throw them away.
I am still thinking a lot about enough these days. But maybe dealing with the measuring tapes is a good first step.
